More numbers

Running some numbers of my last 2.5 years (all the time the CDC says I should live)
36 chemo - about to be 37 in 30 months.
easily 100 times stuck for blood or infusions/ivs etc (thankfully through port)
easily 150 days in hospital or in hospital setting for treatment, doctor appointments, tests, etc.
   so of (912 days, close to 20% in a medical setting.)
so pathetic.  no wonder I feel boring with nothing to talk about but medical stuff.

some new numbers

26 chemo finished in 19 months.    in the last month 2 baby blankets and 2 men's scarves finished.  

that sums up my life, blood, chemo, hospitals and knitting.  pathetic but better than the alternative.

Still living by the numbers

numbers - was always not very good at math thanks to a form of dyslexia which caused me to reverse numbers and wasn't diagnosed until I was 30. Once I realized the problem I found ways to work around it and wasn't so afraid of math and numbers anymore but know I can't think numbers when I am tired or distracted, but love numbers to break things down, to really present things in a way that matters. So here are today's numbers: 29 - my CA 125 - at 29 back in normal range again after five treatments, pretty amazing. 24 - how many chemotherapy treatments I have had during the last 18 months 58 - how many times they have stuck me (through the power port) for blood, chemo, ct scans and so on. Thank goodness for the port so I don't look like a junkie with track marks in my arms and collapsed veins. 3 - haircuts since diagnosis. 1 to cut my hair off thinking it would fall out and 2 to shape it while it grows back 0 - times I have colored my hair since this odyssey began 31 - that is the median number of months for overall survival of stage 3c ovarian cancer. at 18 months I am well past half way, but not really believing that I could be dead in 12 or 13 months. that doesn't seem real to me since I look good (as everyone tells me) and I feel reasonably well in spite of exhaustion etc. 20 the number of years I practiced law until diagnosis but that is finished now, over and done. maintaining my licenses but definitely too sick to work.
50 the number of scarves i have made since diagnosis.
3 the number of blankets I have made since diagnosis.
4 the number of needlepoint pillows I have made since diagnosis.
will have to come up with some new numbers soon as these evolve and change.

Ruled by numbers

My life seems ruled by numbers. CA125. Hemoglobin. Weight. Blood pressure. Don't really let LDL HDL rule me anymore. That is the lease of my concerns given my circumstances. I have to maintain enough weight so when I don't feel like eating I can sustain my hemoglobin and other blood count numbers and not need transfusions or have delays in treatment. Blood pressure - don't need a stroke while in the middle of all this. So far so good on that one. It is all a balancing act while we wait once again, on Monday, to do more blood work and get the results on Tuesday. Is the tamoxifen working? That will be the big question.