Fatigue - not fat

As I remain in mini-chipmunk territory with my face, I can confirm only gained about six pounds during treatment. Considering the steroids, this is pretty good, although I am trying to take it off now. I am still experiencing swollen hands and throbbing feet, but not nearly as extreme as during treatment. Fatigue is still present and some brain fog. I feel like I can remember a little more, but not great concentration and clarity yet. Started a book while we were away over the holidays but haven't been able to get back to it and finish, which is a little sad. I used to read like most people eat, drink or smoke. Fatigue is still difficult. Would like to sleep late every day, instead I find myself falling sleep at 8 p.m. and waking up at 5 a.m. but tired. Would like to go back to sleep but then I have to make sure my son gets up at 6 a.m. and out to the bus at 7:45 so I can't go back to sleep until 7. Ahh, looking forward to graduation and off to college for him in a few months. By then maybe I will have more energy. Feel it is a huge accomplishment to get more than one or two things crossed-off the to-do list every day.

In new territory - the next 90 days

Now two weeks from last chemotherapy - 18. Thinking about what to do so I made a list for what to accomplish during the 90 days from January 1 to April 1, 2013. It just has to be a better year than last year, which included almost dying, and spending most of the last six months in bed. It will be interesting to see now that I am no longer on steroids if I can lose the five or so pounds I gained during treatment, if my face will no longer have that round chipmunk look (my husband says it is already getting better), if my feet will stop hurting and feeling numb, what my hair will look like when it grows more, and if the brain fog will clear. 90 days - I've learned over time I can do almost anything for 90 days, diet, exercise, not drinking, and so on. This time it was 180 days and I made it this far. Let's see what I can get accomplished.

Zipper surgery

Over the months since the surgery and chemo, this has been a question in my mind - can't we just a way to install a zipper? it would make life so much easier and simpler.

On the other side

I always think of that movie, with Kurt Russell, escape from New York - where his character says "See you on the other side" meaning on the other side of the wall, after the escape. Well, now I'm on the other side, of chemo, possibly of cancer, and not sure what it all means, but will be finding out soon enough. Five days from my last treatment, feeling pretty good all things considered. Some of it is definitely mental, knowing I'm finished, getting on a plane to the other side of the world to somewhere we love to be, and not in a hospital or treatment room. Instead, I'm detoxing from chemo and steroids and my face will soon not look like a chipmunk. But for the first time in six months I am out walking and working to improve my stamina and not worrying about tracking symptoms and side effects. freedom! with hair - as yes I still have hair, although thinner, but hair. I even used a blow dryer today for the first time in about seven months as I did not want to go out in the cold with a wet head and get sick. I was washing my hair only once or twice a week and staying home while it dried. So, on the other side, it is definitely happier, and more pleasant, but who knows what each day will bring. One day at a time. Back to the doctor in two weeks and will know more then.

Promising study re: metaformin

This seems like an important study demonstrating that I definitely need to reconsider eating any sugar given the prevalence for type 2 diabetes in my family and discussing with my physician this medication and the study: http://www.webmd.com/cancer/news/20121130/diabetes-drug-metformin-cancer

Fear and loathing??

I do truly dislike cancer. It is a horrible disease and a horrible way to die. Even though the treatments are much better and more effective than even a few years ago, there are just too many unknowns and unknowables. How long will I live? How long until another recurrence? Is there such a thing as remission for my cancer? Where is the crystal ball? Now that I am almost on the other side of treatment - the end - with hair, so many questions and so much fear. Now, I am at the hospital almost every week, I am being monitored heavily so if anything is wrong, someone is on top of it. It will be noticed. Maybe it is a false sense of security, but it is still a good form of monitoring. I have been so fortunate not to need any additional transfusions since the surgery in June, to not have any real complications, just normal tolerable side-effects. I know I am lucky in cancer terms, just maybe not in real life terms. So I face more unknowns and unknowables and try to get through the fear and live whatever life I have.

Must have during chemo

Yesterday was beginning of cycle 6, last carboplatinum treatment - yeah!!! 16 down, two to go, hard to believe this part will be over in two weeks, although the chemo nurse was telling me that this is really treated as a chronic disease now. So many women coming back for more and different treatments. Not fun. So last night I definitely was not feeling well, brain fog, etc. Yesterday in talking to the chemo nurse I was trying to tell her the four Fs one C concept I couldn't remember the last F - naturally that one was brain fog. Had to review my own blog to remember it. When I told her she and I got a good laugh from it. That said, during cancer, especially while on chemo, a must have is a small note pad which I carry in my purse and put by my bed to write down reminders etc. shopping lists and whatever I need because if I don't I definitely cannot remember even a minute later. Brain exhaustion.