Fear and loathing??

I do truly dislike cancer. It is a horrible disease and a horrible way to die. Even though the treatments are much better and more effective than even a few years ago, there are just too many unknowns and unknowables. How long will I live? How long until another recurrence? Is there such a thing as remission for my cancer? Where is the crystal ball? Now that I am almost on the other side of treatment - the end - with hair, so many questions and so much fear. Now, I am at the hospital almost every week, I am being monitored heavily so if anything is wrong, someone is on top of it. It will be noticed. Maybe it is a false sense of security, but it is still a good form of monitoring. I have been so fortunate not to need any additional transfusions since the surgery in June, to not have any real complications, just normal tolerable side-effects. I know I am lucky in cancer terms, just maybe not in real life terms. So I face more unknowns and unknowables and try to get through the fear and live whatever life I have.