The Iron diet

Back to my iron diet.  when I was on the first chemo carbo/taxol had some problems with anemia and iron levels.  Had blood transfusion during and after initial surgery and I was determined I was not going to have more, and have any delays during treatment.  So, I added black strap molasses to sweeten my tea, chopped chicken liver (like pate) tons of spinach salad, lentil soup (pureed for digestion) and watched my numbers improve from 8 to 9 to 10.  Over the summer while off chemo it even went to 12.  Iron pills were fine while pregnant but I wasn't in the mood for the constipation that comes with it, especially when already suffering from chemo constipation.  Now, it is an issue again, numbers down to 8, but after two weeks of iron diet, back up to 10.  Hoping this winter to have more energy and be able to get warm.  Last winter I was cold for months, with no hot liquids and hands and feet on ice (a modern torture).  I am so ready to feel better.

Life of a lab rat

this is something I never saw in my future.  I could see myself donating organs after I was dead but not experimenting on me while alive.  I always thought people who were in clinical trials were sad and somewhat desperate.  Someone who knew they were dying and and had nothing better.  In some ways that is so me.  I know that without some new and different treatment I will just get sicker and die and it won't be pretty or glamorous.  It will be painful and unpleasant.  Instead, I respect everyone who is donating their body for scientific purposes to advance healthcare for all.

More numbers

Running some numbers of my last 2.5 years (all the time the CDC says I should live)
36 chemo - about to be 37 in 30 months.
easily 100 times stuck for blood or infusions/ivs etc (thankfully through port)
easily 150 days in hospital or in hospital setting for treatment, doctor appointments, tests, etc.
   so of (912 days, close to 20% in a medical setting.)
so pathetic.  no wonder I feel boring with nothing to talk about but medical stuff.

Chemo-lite

As I continue my lab-rat process, spending time away from home to try to stay alive, I get asked by doctors and nurses how I feel, side effects etc.  I can honestly say despite some minor stomach upset (had that before), fatigue (always have that) light headaches (minor compared to migraines I've been getting) nausea (live with that every day) this treatment is nothing compared to what I've done before.  34 of 36 treatments were much worse so this is just chemo-life so far, maybe because it is so targeted and the nano-particles and little miss pacman is just eating up the cancer and it will all be gone soon.  I hope so as I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Planning a funeral- mine

I usually try to keep this short and light.  Recently I was drafting my obituary it's an odd thing to do when you're 55 years old but I'm trying to get all the details in order and so that when I do die everything is ready and to minimize the impact on my husband and my son.  Drafting the obituary I began to really think about my life what I've done what I've accomplished with it.  The overall overriding theme of of it has always to help the underdog of our society people who just don't have a voice.  I truly despise bullies and those who are bystanders - people who do nothing but watch.  When given the opportunity they do nothing.   Truly, cancer is the biggest bully, that must be stood up to and defeated. By funding, by raising awareness, by research.  We have so far to go and I refuse to be bullied and I won't ever be a bystander.  So I work whenever I have the energy and mental clarity to raise awareness and help others find someone thought this disease.  Being a lab rat is just part of it.  

I watched recently as people tried to bully the young woman in Oregon who chose her death when she learned she had inoperable terminal brain cancer and I feel it's a very personal decision I'm not there yet.  But when I am, I know why husband and son will support me and my decision.  Everything will be planned and 

Lab rat #1 is home after first treatment

Happy to be in my flannel sheets with unlimited tv channels but glad to have been a good lab rat for the week.  A few more weeks and a few more treatments then we will find out if the drug is working. It is definitely a different process then regular treatment, lots more blood removed, different level of care, testing etc.  Not as sick as from most drugs or tired so far so good.  Today the facility was so busy in the infusion area one would think they were doing a chemo sale, maybe a two for one?  What kinds of fun can a lab rat have?  Hope to find out.

Facing another birthday

Two years ago it was after Hurricane Sandy and we had no heat or electricity.  They pumped me full of carbo and taxol.  I was thinking, just a few more weeks until December 18, then it will be over probably for a year or two.  I wasn't go back to work but thinking I would have some time to recoup and regroup and relax before gearing up for the next round.  Instead I only got five months.  Now I face a clinical trial next week, the day before my birthday.  Like with all these drugs, it isn't that it will cure me, but may extend my life to a few more birthdays.  This one will be my third with cancer. Last year was as much chocolate cake as I could eat.  This year may be apple pie since I think I would throw up from cake.  I will be in New Haven in a hotel next to the hospital.  Hoping to survive another year, and how exceeding the CDC/NIH and other cancer group numbers.