life as empty nester with cancer

Now that empty nester status is official, I can say that there is an emptiness that goes along with it. Although my son has been away for summers in the past, somehow this is definitely different. His room is emptier, knowing that he won't be back in only a few weeks, knowing that he is at a different stage of life, makes this entirely new. Got confused at the supermarket the other day looking at food and knowing I was not buying it for him and having a much lighter load, probably by half. Knowing that our electric and gas bills will be reduced by at least a third. But also knowing that I only have so much time left but not knowing how much. Hoping I will live long enough to see him graduate from college but not knowing if I will. Have had some good news this week, finding out my CA 125 is down to 71 from a high of 420 before I started the current chemo, which I needed to hear after a bad migraine with nausea and vomiting only a few days earlier. So I continue on one day at a time, letting my son fly and enjoy his life, and trying to fill in the time. Food becoming way too important. Maybe I will be baking once a week, keep knitting (made several scarves, two shawls, several needlepoint pillows, blankets) but I have to find things to keep filling in for my time and whatever energy I have.

post-Hurricane Sandy, snow, with hair - CA 125 at 12

We have now survived Hurricane Sandy, Noreaster Athena, 10 days of no power, heating house off inverter system with truck running it for a few hours a day, throwing out food (always upsetting), no laundry, getting septic system pumped in middle of it all and so on. I know we were better off then many, but it was a difficult time to be in bed after chemo not being able to eat properly, heat up food easily etc. Still have hair, but almost no eyebrows on either side now. Hair seems to be thinning on top, finding more on my clothes, pillows etc, but Hallie the wig has still not gone out of the house, and only six weeks left to go. I keep reading blogs and researching about post-chemo life, how long it takes to get back energy, focus etc, but not much help. Statistics don't look great, but I try not to focus on mortality. Brca1 is better than no Brca for survival rates with ovarian cancer but Brca2 is even better. Go figure. Just trying to get through next six weeks and get on a plane back to France.

Progress not perfection -CA125 level

Last week's blood test included CA 125 levels but the results were not in when I had chemo on Tuesday. My old bc(before cancer) self would have emailed and called the doctor and his staff to get the levels asap as I never take no for an answer and want what I want when I want it, but my dc (during cancer) self realized that nothing would change based on this level and I would get it today, and it didn't really make a difference in my life not knowing until today. So today when getting this week's blood level I was told it was down to 22.8. Definitely making progress and continuing the downward trend. It's all good.

Cycle 2 - week 1

So tuesday was that special day in my month of carboplatinum and taxol combo, definitely the worst week. I don't know if it is better or worse coming off a week of no treatment when I'm feeling good, with energy, almost normal, and to take such toxic meds. Definitely did not feel good yesterday, battling nausea and horrible fatigue, lack of focus etc. but got through it. Today is a little better at least for now. Still have my hair. CA125 down to 37. Learned more about what it all means. As my doc explained to me, at some point that level will plateau and that will be my norm, since they don't have a baseline of what is normal for me. Could be 35 could be O. At least my numbers are trending down. This is still being studied. Learning more than I ever wanted to know about any of this.