The rest of my life

Is it rest? as in to rest, relax, do nothing?  Is the better word remainder?  what remains of my life?  So much has been taken away - my career, my hobbies, my energy, my ability to think clearly, my memory?  What remains?  My body in its depleted form, some of my creativity, and not much more.  I take each day as it comes, I prepare for the next form of chemo, and I wonder what to do with my days, what difference I can make with what is left.  I raise awareness of this disease each day, try to help others get through their days, and survive.  Not the life I planned, not the life I prefer but it's what I've got. I prefer not to sleep the days away.

FDA frustration

Back in April the FDA had the opportunity to approve use of a parp inhibitor, a new class of drugs, for sale in the US but for a limited use regarding ovarian cancer.  They declined.  Next week the EU will likely approve the same drug for broad use in treating this disease.  While we wait 1200 women per month die in the US. , 40 women per day.  With avastin it took the US 4 years to approve it for ovarian cancer treatment, while the EU was using it.  thousands died waiting.  Something is severely wrong with this picture.  The parp will not cure us but keep us alive longer until the next drug is approved and the next drug while we find the drug that will keep us in equipoise with this disease, even if there is no cure.

In equipoise?

There is a legal term about when legal arguments are of equal strength, they are in equipoise.  I hear all the time about the battle with cancer and winning or losing, and I have never liked the concept of beating cancer into submission.  I just want to find equipoise, where we can be equal and find some balance.  We can find some way to keep cancer quiet and I can find some life left to live.  It may not be 82, but then cancer may not kill me at 55.  Instead we can find some compromise and way to live together and work toward a balance or equipoise.