I hate abraxene

It is a taxol type drug.  thought in jan/feb we would like it and I would keep my hair but no - not only did the drug not work but it also made my hair fall out.  Boo hoo.  Got some great wigs via ebay from china  $15.00 each.  in my grey tones, but would rather have hair.  head can be cold in winter with no hair, sleeping in fleece hats made by the lovely volunteers at the hospital.  now I just have stumble like a 10 day growth.  Douglas can feel what its been like for 15 years.

Can't find a trial drug

Still looking.  no luck.  excluded by platinum resistant, wrong type of ovarian cancer, too many treatments.  Am on Gemzar and avastin now but if it stops working only 2 drugs left to try.

Barnabas Collins and me

when I was young we all watched "dark shadows" a rather gothic soap with Barnabas Collins as the starring character, naturally a vampire.  I feel he and I are getting very close since January.  I had to come off the trial drug at Yale after some unexpected side effects, ended up in hospital for six days, had 4.3 liters of fluid drained (10 lbs) and two blood transfusions since my bone marrow has decided not to make white and red blood cells anymore.

Since then two more blood transfusions, now on granix shots, very painful to get my bone marrow working better.  I feel like crap and think if it wasn't for my son and husband I would go to the vet and ask them to put me down like a dog.  more humane than letting me suffer this way.

Nurses try to be comforting along with social workers, but can anyone really understand unless they have gone through this, died and come back"?  I'm sure they think I'm a bit different.