3 weeks on tamoxifen

The first three weeks on tamoxifen have not been fun. More fatigue. Some nausea. All manageable. A little bit of hair loss but not like on chemo. Have been viewing the blogs and some people have found it very helpful, kept them off chemo for quite a while, others not so much. I would be so happy if this buys me six months of no chemo.

Do the hateful people live longer? Is it just karma?

That's what my mother in law used to say - that the evil nasty people live the longest. Is that a good thing then, that I am ill and going to die before I should? Does it mean I am a good person? I've always helped others, and tried to do the right thing in life. So, I always think of myself that way. People tell me I'm inspirational. In reality, I'd rather be less inspirational and healthier, and live longer, no offense to those who are finding inspiration from my life. Yes, I still look healthy, but knowing that cancer will eat me alive eventually is not comforting. Does it mean that I've learned all the lessons I'm supposed to so I don't need to continue on? Who knows. Is it karma? What lessons is my life teacher others? Is that part of my karma? Maybe someday I'll understand it, but probably not and it is ok. I can still die in peace.

New science

Here are a few new studies that look very interesting for we ovarian cancer sufferers: Regarding Parp inhibitor research for people like me with platinum resistant cancer: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/04/130403071435.htm Regarding a different class of drugs which is new - stage 1 study: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/04/130407090643.htm Hope the science catches up to my disease soon enough to keep me alive a few more years.

Cancer redux

Went to the doctor last week expecting to be told my numbers were relatively stable. No such luck. My CA12 was way up, 258, the highest its been since before I had surgery and chemo. Not a good sign. Sent for emergency CT scan which was clear thus far, unremarkable. Which was good news. So, after discussing all options, I'm now on tamoxifin to see if we can slow the sucker down, give me more time off chemo until at least August when my son leaves for college. Not fun, very discouraging. I feel as though I've done everything right, taken all the meds, all the chemo and so on. Maybe I'm just too healthy, and cells are replicating so fast? Who knows. Possibly a clinical trial in my future, Parp inhibitors? Vaccine? Who knows.

A cancer vaccine? Wow!!!

This study sounds amazing and really gives me some hope. Some days I wake up and am so discouraged knowing that living five or ten years may be a high expectation in my life, and that to consider living as long as Roger Ebert did, until 70, nearly 12 years from diagnosis, seems impossible. But maybe not? http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-04-06/ovarian-cancer-vaccine-made-from-tumor-cells-yields-responses.html?cmpid=yhoo

more than 90 days and still so tired

Fatigue can't kill me but it sure makes me tired and impossible to work. Get up every day, and am able to do a few things, but go back to sleep at some point and for several hours. Wanting to start walking again, but cannot even think about it as I am afraid of it making me more tired, or getting stuck somewhere and not having the energy to get home. From reading the other cancer blogs and websites this is fairly common, as are the problems I have having with my hands, including the trigger thumb which I thought was repaired in 1997 and is now back with a vengeance, painful and making it difficult to grip things. Back to the doctor next week and we'll see what he suggests for all of it.